Sometimes what I want to hear isn’t what I want to hear.
I know the truth, I feel it, I just don’t want to accept it.
I seek guidance, which you give, yet I refuse to follow your lead.
I seek advice, which you render, yet I refuse to heed.
I wish for companion, you give, I act as though I never wanted you.
Deep down, I care, but too proud to show.
I love you beyond reason, but can’t tell you, the fear of rejection haunts me.
I have a fire inside me, burning from within, all I need is your voice, echoing in my ears, taming these flames. But I won’t call you, my ego wouldn’t let me.
He’s unfit for you, only loves your features, not you. This I know, but can’t warn you, he is my friend.
I want to do good, live right, but I can’t. I am always derailed, a willing spirit against my unwilling body.
I am afraid, so I panic, in my panic, I get more tangled in my problems.
I am troubled, lost in thoughts, consumed by worries, yet my problem lingers, not a shade of it solved. Then why get worked up, why panic.
I have bedded women of all sorts and skins, all race and beddable age. Yet, i remain unfulfilled, my thirst for more endures. To what aim, what end, am yet to discover.
I’ve got it all, the wealth, the women, the life. Yet, I remain devoid of joy, of love, of inner peace. And you wish to be me.
I am seduced by your life of peril and adventure. Aware my future with you remains unsure, yet I choose to stay, ignoring the signs and warnings. Am I hopeful, or just dumb.
You think am jealous, you think I’m over protective, insecure, that i care too much. One day I’ll be gone, then you’ll realise how much I matter.
How do I know you love me when you never say it, how do I know you care when you never show it. I’m no psychic.
I know my mistakes, I know my wrongs, am just to proud to admit them, too proud to apologize. So you left.
I’m afraid of failing, so I never try, I’m afraid of making mistakes, so I never make an attempt. Yet I cry, I feel bad, get jealous, when I see you being applauded. An applause that could have been mine, if only I had tried.
I am older, you are younger, I want, you have. If only I humble myself, you’ll give. But will I, will I deny my pride.
You seek war, I seek peace. They call you strong, and call me weak. Yet I am the bridge to many, the reason we wake to yet another day.
He runs from a fight, never returns a punch, so you think him weak. If only you knew his past, seen the evil he once was, then you’ll realise how puny you are.
I hunger, I need food, I thirst, I need a drink, not prayer, not to be admonished.
We began together, doesn’t mean we’ll rise together, doesn’t mean we’ll fall together. I am me, and you are you.
What I have is yours, this I know. But I wouldn’t let it go, the satisfaction of watching you beg, makes me feel superior.
You left me heart broken and traumatized. Now I’ve found happiness and a reason to go on, you come back, saying you’re sorry. You never thought i could cope without you. Bugger off, I’m over you.
You are asking for peace, you want it to endure, but keep forgetting justice.
Emmalase.
Emmalase