Mirror on the wall

I’m trying to be better, I’m trying to be good, I’ve learnt the hard way, now I want to live the right way. But they aren’t making it easy for me, they still see the former me.

You told me it will get better. You told me someday, they will understand the man I have become. I am to be the change, yet i remain the same in their eyes.

You know, this isn’t how I started, I was once  loved, admired, trusted. Now, I am far from the shadow of my former self.

Do you judge me, do you commend me, or do you just pretend to be what i want, when i want. Sometimes I wonder where you stand, a friend or a foe.

Afraid of looking at you, I once was, had to hide you away, because in you, I saw all of me, the shadows of a past I try to leave behind, shake off like dust, but yet keeps  finding me.

I have made so many mistakes, lived a horrible life, the fear I radiated, the pain I inflicted, the dreams and hope i stole. How could one be that vile.

Now I’m caught up with life, learning the hard way, atoning for my many sins. I guess I now see the bigger picture, the images of my broken reflection.

Damn, look how much I’ve changed, wish you could hide these scars, so I don’t see them when looking at you, they bear so many bad memories, the days of vice and hate.

Keep in touch with your inner self, your inner peace, you tell me. Ignore your outer self, you say. They are only scars, your beauty is within not without. Someday, they will see it, you say.

I have found peace in my violence, have come to realize that i am the change, that I am the spark of hope, the light in the dark, the author of my destiny.

I’m not new to falling, that’s how i learn to fly. I have learnt to ignore what they say about my broken parts, have learnt to ignore the stare on my scars, my hide is thick with resilience.

Now the blood is cleared from my eyes, you see the pain hidden in my smiles, the fight for redemption in my heart, so long as I’ve got you looking back at me, I’ll keep trying, till someday they all start looking back at me. I have become more, this is the new me.

My foe, my friend, my mirror on the wall.

Emmalase.